“Hard Hats Are Usually Unisex”
―quote by VP Kamala Harris
By Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe
The New York Times reported that Facebook is showing different job ads to women and men. Men are more likely to see Domino’s Pizza, delivery driver job ads while women were more likely to see Instacart shopper ads. Facebook is taking steps to address the issue of discrimination in ads.
When Jeff Bezos placed his first help wanted ad for Amazon, he said he wanted engineers who could do their job “in about one-third the time that most competent people think possible.”
Amazon is opening a hair salon in London, and McDonald’s in Tampa, FL, advertised plans to pay $50 per JOB INTERVIEW. The sign was removed two weeks later because it failed to hire a single candidate. Let’s look at some humorous new and vintage job ads:
WAITRESS WANTED. Must be 18 years old with 20 years’ experience.
BARISTA. Because your boyfriend will eventually ask for gas money. NOW HIRING. Apply in person. It’s A Grind
. HOUSEKEEPER WANTED
Duties include constant vacuuming; cleaning footprints off of cabinets, walls and ceilings, scraping yogurt off couch cushions; walking rogue underwear to laundry room; never being done with laundry. Must be skilled at removing Sharpie ink from everything (including children).
SCHOOL BUS DRIVERS: As long as kids get evenings and weekends off so will you. You’ll never take your work home with you. In fact, it would be illegal. Make $16.25 an hour doing what most parents do for free.
NANNY: Assist 10-year-olds with light homework in long division, subtraction, Common Core, and writing. Play math games with them, such as “How much fish should we buy today for five of us?
” PIANO PLAYER wanted. Must have knowledge of opening clams.
VINTAGE AD - (from) SECRETARY. GLAMOUR JOB? BALONEY!
“Your big break,” they said. You’ll work with Mr. Big himself. Stimulating! Meet interesting people…But nobody told me I’d get stuck with the mail every night…licking and sticking itsy bitsy stamps and envelope flaps. Utterly medieval! Tomorrow Mr. B gets a postage-meter—or a new girl
. LICE PULLERS: The Dupree School District No. 64-2 is accepting applications for p/t Lice Pullers…
PHARMACY: If you think about H3C, HO and NH when you hear someone sneeze, we might have a job for you. (www.pharmacy.com)
CRACKER BARREL: Come for the Biscuits, STAY FOR THE JOB. NOW HIRING
. WANT A FAT JOB? (Well, we got one for you!) Fatburger Now Hiring.
NAP-TIME NINJA: We’ll high-five you if you can convince even the most stubborn child to rest.
RECRUITMENT COORDINATOR: You will assist in the day to day RUINING of the team.
AUTODATA SOLUTIONS: …FREE COFFEE (always important) and occasional FREE FOOD (always the day you’re starting a diet)
Manager, Cafe Ole (Meridian, Idaho) “If you can swing a hammer, you can go make $25 an hour.”
HELP WANTED: Food exp. a MUST. Do NOT apply if you’ll need nights off because your band has a gig. Do NOT apply if you’ll need weekends off because you have a gallery opening. Do NOT apply if you just want to work for a few weeks before you go to Europe.
TACO BELL: NEED A JOB? LETS TACO BOUT IT. REAL ESTATE BROKER WANTED. R U very strong? Can you flip houses?
PIZZA MAKER: CARDO’S PIZZA NOW HIRING. Please do not apply if you oversleep, have no babysitter experience, flat tires every week, have to leave early for probation meetings, can’t go 10 minutes without talking on a cell phone or smoking. Must be able to talk and walk at the same time.
BLOCKBUSTER VIDEO: Now hiring. Please no dinosaurs with clever human costumes.
BECOME A BURRITO TASTER. Start earning now. Why waste the best years of your life going to college when you can train to become a Burrito Taster? Money, power, and jet packs are just some of the benefits that a certified Burrito Taster enjoys. That and all the BURRITOS YOU CAN HANDLE! Eat the good life. Earn a jillion Buckaroos!
SANTA CLAUS: Looking for energetic, holiday-loving individual to assist Santa with Multiple Home Invasions. Must be able to work in cold temperature and is not afraid to fly. (Persons on the “naughty list” need not apply.) Santa’s Workshop
HAIR STYLIST: Must have good sense of humor. If you laugh at our Customers’ Hourly Rate, contact us at 516-… $100 hour - standard
$150 hour - if you watch
$175 hour - if you help
$200 hour - if you worked on it first
$250 hour - if you tell me how to do my job
DASHER - No passengers. No bosses. Just you and the road. Work for DoorDash. All you need is a mode of transportation and a smart phone. So, start dashing!
GENIUS BAR at Apple - Can you handle this complaint? A woman calls to say that her printer is not working. The tech support rep asked, “Are you running it under Windows?” The caller responded, “No, my printer is on my desk next to the door—but that’s a good point because my co-worker in the cubicle next to me is under a window and his printer is working just fine.” If, so, apply for the job.
DOGS…YES, DOGS! Busch Beer is looking to hire a dog and pay its owners $20,000, to taste its new canine-friendly brew. It’s hosting a contest to hire a four-legged “Chief Tasting Officer” for its popular Busch Dog Brew. In addition to the salary, the winner gets 10 four-packs of Busch Dog Brew and a $800 pre-paid card to purchase pet insurance for the dog.
MARJORIE GOTTLIEB WOLFE’S first job: (1958) business teacher at Island Trees High School. No, she never told her secretarial students: ; “Yes, a winky face is correct…But in ancient times, the semicolon was actually used to separate archaic written devices known as ‘complete sentences.’”