HUMOR ISSUE 1 April 1971

Some people around this fine institution of higher learning, the groaners, malingerers, complainers, and faculty, have, from time to time, and in various. places (including of course, the numbered buildings which given a pen, a piece of paper, and transfigure fair MIT from end to end  and corner to corner, in a manner to which I would not like to become accustomed) have or will or plan to or are in the process of making noises (which sound very much like complaints, but are for the present, perhaps more like the bleating of sheep) of opposition, both written and verbal (some or the written noises are positively stunning, and will serve as the basis for a future photo essay in ERGO); and in some cases amazingly so, with regard to both the syntax and the grammar (and of course, all the appendages thereto, including punctuation, parenthetical phrases, and vocabulary) used in this column by this columnist; but not being satisfied with simply attacking that, they go on to attack my very ability to construct a simple English sentence of less than ten words (as one correspondent plaintively scrawled in black crayon on tablet paper, "y [sic] cant [sic] you write simpl [sic] English in your colum (sick, sick,sick)), a charge which you regular PSACOT readers would of course reject out of hand as ridiculous, since I am sure you all remember a sentence of mine less than ten words long which appeared in the ERGO of September 25, 1970, as part of my regular column, but before the name changed: in reply to which (that is, in reply to the contention that there exists some minor fault in my grammar, syntax, word choice or ability to construct a simple English sentence without resorting to all sorts of verbal pyrotechnics) I can only say, with a heavy heart, and all sincerity that I would like to make one thing perfectly clear; I do not now, nor have I ever or for that matter intend to, admit that this column can be faulted for the reasons already stated (stated twice as I recall); that in point of fact, I am actually using perfectly clear, normally understandable English in a way that anyone could understand, after about three hours.

Next week: PSACOT presents two sentences in one column.