Humor

Clark Smith sent me this apt aphorism:

It has been posited that an infinite number of monkeys sitting at an infinite number of keyboards could produce all of the world's great books. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know that this is not true.
-Robert Wilensky

Paul Makes Top 5

OK, I came in 14th out of 14 and it was a three-way tie. I still made the list.

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May 20, 1999


The Top 14 Things Bill Clinton Would Say if He Were in "Star Wars"



14> "Well, it depends on your definition of 'father', Luke."

13> "Who knew the Jedi Mind Trick could work on 250 million people all at once?"

12> "I *absolutely* support the use of droids in the military... Okay, now I don't."

11> "Oh-h-h, you're looking for a little *WOOKIE*... Well, that's different."

10> "Luke, I am your father. Obi-Wan, I'm your father, too.And that Queen chick? I'm her daddy for sure. And Leia's. And Lando's, Boba Fett's, Jabba the Hutt's, Chewie's..."

9> "Wretched hive of scum and villainy? Woo-hoo, count me in!"

8> "I think the American people would like a little more bass in my theme music."

7> "Dispose of that troublesome young Jedi, Vince Skyfoster --and make it look like a suicide."

6> "I did not have sexual relations with that wookie, Ms. Chewinsky."

5> "It's a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away --
and I'm still a lyin' weasel."

4> "Cholesterol does not concern me, Admiral. I want that Big Mac -- not excuses."

3> "Sorry about that lightsaber, Sugar. Just consider it laser dental work."

2> "These are not the droids you're looking for, Ma'am. Say, it's getting hot in here -- you might want to take off your top."

and Topfive.com's Number 1 Thing Bill Clinton Would Say if He Were in "Star Wars"...

1> "She's my sister?!? Well, back on my home planet of Arkansas, that ain't an obstacle!"

[ This list copyright 1999 by Chris White ]
[ The Top 5 List [email protected] http://www.topfive.com]



Selected from 96 submissions from 34 contributors.
Today's Top 5 List authors are:
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Dave Henry, Slidell, LA -- 1 (8th #1)
Mark Schmidt, Santa Cruz, CA -- 1 (7th #1)
Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA -- 1 (6th #1)
Curt Cutting, Santa Monica, CA -- 2
Peter Bauer, Rochester, NY -- 3
Jon Litfin, Columbus, OH -- 4
Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 5 (Hall of Famer)
Eric Roth, New York, NY -- 6, 13
John Hering, Alexandria, VA -- 7 (Hall of Famer)
Ann Bartow, Dayton, OH -- 8
Felicia Watson, Colorado Springs, CO -- 9
Jason Anderson, Birmingham, AL -- 10, 12
Rachel Blubaugh, Lewisville, TX -- 10
Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL -- 11
Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA -- 12 (Hall of Famer)
Jonathan D. Colan, Miami, FL -- 14
Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA -- 14
John Voigt, Chicago, IL -- 14 (Hall of Famer)
David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO -- Topic
Norman Meluch, Ann Arbor, MI -- Banner tag
Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA -- Runner Up list name
Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- Honorable Mention name
Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor
Roger Clinton, Hope, AR -- Ambience