The Top 14 Good Things About Having a Navel

March 7, 2000
I made No. 6 on this list

14> Save enough lint -- knit a festive holiday sweater!
13> Airport security never checks there for the sand I steal from Qatar.
12> A permanent-ink marker, the love song from "Titanic", and a creative camera angle might just enable your chubby-faced Celine Dion impersonation to lip-synch its way onto that "Funniest Home Videos" show.
11> Less conspicuous at the beach than a fossilized umbilical cord.
10> Prettier and easier to keep clean than a third nipple.
9> Without one, I'd just look silly when I do my Shania Twain impersonation for my wife.
8> Near-perfect conditions in which to hold the Lint Olympics.
7> Negates the need for a "Start Here" marker for Japanese ritual suicides.
6> Looks bitchin' with a big-ass gemstone in it.
5> Makes a comfy home for crabs who want to commute from the suburbs.
4> Official NASA docking point for full erection.
3> Combine it with a single catchy pop hook? Grammy Award for Best New Artist!
2> Scoot up my T-shirt and voila -- I'm Hirsute Spice!

and Topfive.com's Number 1 Good Thing About Having a Navel...

1> Distracts thieves from your *really* valuable stash of ass-crack lint.

[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2000 by Chris White ]
====================
Selected from 154 submissions from 55 contributors.
Today's Top 5 List authors are:
------------------------------------------------------------------
Kevin Wickart, Normal, IL -- 1 (5th #1)
Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA -- 6