Boys Don't Cry
The Top 14 Good Things About Having a Navel

The Top 16 Signs Your Cat is Getting Old

March 9,2000

I made No. 4 on the list:

16> Goes from 22 hours of happy-go-lucky, kittenish sleep per day to 21 hours of restless, fitful sleep per day.
15> All he wants to do is watch "Catlock."
14> Tries to cash in her 8th life insurance policy for a kilo of catnip.
13> Last year: Went a-courtin' carrying a "pencil full o' lead." This year: Goes a-courtin' carrying a 9 Lives tuna casserole.
12> Bitches non-stop about the "bankrupt moral values of kittens these days."
11> Trades in his Whiskas for prune-flavored Whippasnappas.
10> "You call this catnip? Hell, I remember back in the '80s, I once scored some Meowie Wowie that would knock your friggin' claws off..."
9> Instead of shredding your drapes, she sub-contracts the job.
8> Writes "Put me to sleep" in its litter box with pee.
7> When you strap a piece of buttered toast to her back and drop her, she lands on her hip.
6> Stops leaving dead mice on doormats; starts leaving bingo cards.
5> Spends all day on the front porch, yelling at the squirrels to get the hell out of his yard.
4> Occasionally forgets to ignore you.
3> Instead of swaggering up to you and dropping dead mice at your feet, he drives up in his Rascal and pulls them out of the saddlebag.
2> Has to drink a whole bottle of Rogaine just to cough up one hairball.

and's Number 1 Sign Your Cat is Getting Old...

1> While his younger friends are out chasing mice, he claims a moral victory in catching the elusive dust bunny.

[ The Top 5 List ]
[ Copyright 2000 by Chris White ]
Selected from 166 submissions from 59 contributors.
Today's Top 5 List authors are:
Scott Sistek, Seattle, WA -- 1 (6th #1)
Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA -- 4


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