Supermarket Joke
Technobriefs

The Top 15 New Features to Perk Up iPod Sales

No. 3--with a bullet!

September 15, 2006

NOTE FROM CHRIS:

Sales of Apple's signature iPod digital music player are down and don't appear to be coming back up anytime soon.

15> iPod Nanoo: all Robin Williams, all the time

14> Shorter earphone cord, so people can't wrap it around your neck and choke you on the subway.

13> Free monthly downloads of "Best of NSA Wiretaps"

12> iPod Retro 1978 Edition: the size of a shoe box and plays only cassette tapes

11> New "vibrate" setting for Barry White songs

10> "iPawd" model for dogs that plays songs inaudible to the human ear

9> Free iTunes downloads of "Right Said Fred's Greatest Hit"

8> iGore video player: comes pre-loaded with "An Inconvenient Truth" *and* "Young Frankenstein"

7> Fully integrated Steve Jobs head Pez dispenser

6> New iThump chest-mounted subwoofer doubles as a defibrillator.

5> Whack-a-Lars: When Metallica's grumbly drummer pops up all over your iPod display, reload it with fresh illegally- downloaded tunes and earn one whack per track!

4> Now plays vinyl records!

3> Madonna Special Edition: a really old iPod tarted up to look like a new one

2> New discreet "Thong Dock" and vibrating feature

and Topfive.com's Number 1 New Feature to Perk Up iPod Sales...

1> Includes handy Rap-to-English translator

[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2006 by Chris White ]
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Selected from 104 submissions from 44 contributors.
Today's Top 5 List authors are:
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Reid Kerr, Tyler, TX -- 1 (14th #1)
Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA -- 3