Cham and Jaeg: A Cat Column

Inspired by a Jon Carroll cat column, but with substantially less talent, I felt I should jot down a few thoughts about our feline animal companions.

Their formal names are Champagne and Jaegermeister, continuing a Schindler family tradition that goes back to Schnapps 1 and 2, the cats of my youth. I wanted to name these brothers Rosencrantz and Guildenstern (Rosie and Gil for short), but I eventually had to vote with my daughters to break a stubborn tie (the names Vicki and I liked, our daughters hated; the ones they liked we mildly disliked).

We got these two male orange tabbies from the pound a week before they were going to be killed in February 1999. They had actually been out once already, to a woman whose cat ran away. Her cat came back, and did not like Oscar and Nerber (their original names). We played with them in the "try out a cat" room, and fell in love. It has been mutual ever since.

Like almost everyone who goes to a pound, we wanted kittens. "They're just two years old," we were assured. As if. The vet said "Three years if they're a day," which makes them 12 years old today--somewhere between 60 and 72 in human years (cat years aren't as easy to determine as dog years, since many cats live to be 20).

We call them Sham and Yeag (spelled phonetically). They are sweet, loving, and affectionate, and after a few weeks of hiding when we first brought them home (and that unfortunate incident with Marlow's basketball uniform--I mean, it was in a bag on the floor), they became very interactive cats, usually for the better. They yowl now and then, and Yeag has developed a squeak. But they also like to be petted, and enjoy sleeping with us and sitting on Vicki's lap (not mine, just hers). They are both gynophiles, but if there's no female in the house, they'll spend time with me.

Last spring, Sham lost his appetite. We took him to the vet. They operated (very expensively, I might add) and discovered he had cancer. They cut it out, but told us it would require. He bounced back quite well, regaining most of the weight he lost, but now he is lethargic and complicated. The vet gave him six months to live, a grace period which expired in October. We know he will not be with us much longer.

So now I am wondering how this will affect Yaeg. Jon Carroll's cat column is about how his surviving cat is affected by the death of the other cat in the house. The vet assures me that cats have lousy memories and short attention spans, and that after a few days Yaeg won't even notice that Sham is gone, except in the sense that he will no longer have to compete with another cat for food.

Sham is one of the things that makes our house a home. I know we are going to miss him. The question is: will his brother?

[When I told a psychotherapist friend of mine that Sham was dying, she said, "Paul, we're all dying."]