Martha Graham on “I’m Not Good Enough”

A dear, dear friend offered some coaching on my love songs; I did not react as well as I could have, and I suggested that perhaps I had no talent in this direction; that perhaps Holding My Heart and You Affect Me sounded more like Tom Lehrer parodies of love songs than love songs. Now, the fact is, I’d be honored beyond imagining if someone found my work reminiscent of Lehrer (or even Bennett Cerf). But this same faithful friend of a half century sent along a reading on the subject:

Martha: The Life and Work Of Martha Graham A Biography, by Agnes De Mille, 1991, p. 264.

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The greatest thing [Graham] ever said to me was in 1943 after the opening of Oklahoma!, when I suddenly had unexpected, flamboyant success for a work I thought was only fairly good, after years of neglect for work I thought was fine. I was bewildered and worried that my entire scale of values was untrustworthy. I talked to Martha. I remember the conversation well. It was in a Schrafft's restaurant over a soda. I confessed that I had a burning desire to be excellent, but no faith that I could be. Martha said to me, very quietly: "There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep yourself open and aware to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open ... No artist is pleased. [There is] no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others."

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People have spoken to me of my life force my entire life. When I was 12, people used to say I “lit up a room.” On more than one occasion I was invited to a college party because, “If you come, everyone will have more fun.”

Maybe I am actually an artist or on my way to becoming one. I guess if I block my muse, some potentially good work of mine “will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost.” So, I’ll continue to let her mug me, and do the best I can to follow her dictates. I know some of you are enjoying this work. I am certain I am. That is probably all that matters. As with good sex, it’s better if we both enjoy it, but OK if only one of us does.