Wet Fish / Sharp Stick

When I was young, unpleasant events were compared in an “It could be worse” way to a “poke in the eye with a sharp stick” or “a slap on the belly with a wet fish.” This often led me to wonder if a poke in the eye with a dull stick or a slap on the belly with a dry fish would be an improvement. I have no idea what kids today say when they want to make an “it could be worse” comparison.