[Thank you Clark Smith]
One evening, Jesus walks into a restaurant with his 12 disciples following him in. The Maitre D greets him and says. “Good evening sir, how can we help you today?”
Jesus responds, “Yes, we’d like a table for 26 please”
The Maître d' looks confused for a second, before gathering his composure. “But sir, there are only 13 of you?”
Jesus responds, “Ahh, yes…. but we’re all going to sit on one side of the table”.
I made theTop 5 List!
Other Things Joe Biden Is Going To Do Instead Of Running For President
My winner: Show up on time for the Early Bird Dinner for once.
My Losers: “Lambada and Macarena” and “Drink a case of Diet Mountain Dew.”
A student comes to a young professor's office hours.
She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly. “I would do anything to pass this exam.”
She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean..." she whispers, “I would do...anything.’
He returns her gaze. “Anything?"
“Anything.”
His voice softens. “Anything??”
“Absolutely anything.”
His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you...study?"
One of my favorite shows in high school, and a favorite of my friends, was the Rowan and Martin Laugh-In. Like much 60s humor, it is now cringeworthy (stereotyping gays and women), but it was funny at the time. We must just accept art for the context in which it was created. Everyone at KBPS, my high school radio station, was in awe of the work of Gary Owens, the on-screen announcer (read about one of his shticks, making up meanings for the acronym NBC). You can hear his voice here, but rest assured the date is wrong. This is late Owens, not early Owens.
For more, catch the Netflix special Still LAUGH-IN: The Stars Celebrate, or any of the original episodes on Amazon Prime. You bet your bippy.
Here is the July 18 Top5 List (https://www.top5list.com/top5-for-7-18-24/).
My winner:
* Dr. Lecter’s Missing Hearts Club Band
My losers:
* Dead Side Story
* A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The House on Elm Street
Reasons You Weren't Picked as a Candidate For Vice President
My No. 1 appearance
My Losers:
(IP attorneys please avert your gaze)
Not a week goes by that someone doesn’t click on this.
This fascinates me because it is exactly how I read the obituaries. And it draws a few clicks a month.
Jon Carroll was, prior to his 2015 retirement, simply the best personal newspaper columnist in America. Take that Anna Quindlen. Once a month, he indulged himself and enterained us with Cat Columns. I could scour the SFGATE archives and find more, but there are the ones I plugged in my column: Jon Carroll Cat Columns.
“Isn't it obvious? More cats, fewer people. We walk lightly on the land; we carefully bury our waste; we require neither paper products nor petroleum derivatives. Why don't you all blast off for the moon and leave Earth to us?
"So I hide their food bowls in the refrigerator. Childish, I know, but I had to show them who's the boss. Who is the boss?"
I have been dining out on my anecdotes about the Harvard freshman course Humble Brag 101 since 1974. This mandatory course teaches them to say, “I went to school in Cambridge.” And to mention it within 20 minutes of meeting any new person. Turns out I went to school in Cambridge too, and got a better education. Details: False Modesty