Thank you Vicki. Sometimes forwarded joke lists are worth receiving. Check out Senior Thoughts.
Everyone who actually knows me will appreciate this one:
3. I don’t mean to interrupt people but I just randomly remember things and get really excited.
For my techie friends:
8. If I am ever on life support unplug me and plug me back in and see if that works.
For everyone:
4. I thought growing old would take longer.
The Top 5 Signs a Social Media Platform is in Trouble
One of mine made the March 15 list at No. 5
Everyone you retweet receives a small electric shock.
Here they are, as submitted
* Marjorie Taylor Greene leaves because the conspiracy theories on your site are too far out.
* When you attempt to post, the site responds “Your post is important to us, please standby,” then closes your browser.
* Your computer administers a small electric shock every time you post.
Here are my submissions:
The Top 5 Post-Apocalyptic Pickup Lines
* Your radioactive hole in the ground or mine?
* Of course I love you for your brains. I'm hungry.
* Let's Lambada until our legs fall off; the coffee should be warm by then
The brains submission came out at number 4!
For reasons best known to him, my friend Daniel Dern got to researching the song Lydia the Tattooed Lady, best known in the Groucho Marx version. Here is a summary of his findings:
Lyrics:
A young Groucho Marx singing it in A Day At The Circus
An older Groucho Marx performing Lydia The Tattooed Lady | The Dick Cavett Show
The 1939 song written by Harold Arlen and Yip Harburg, in The Philadelphia Story
Kermit T Frog
Robin Williams
Bobby Short
Michael Feinstein (possibly the best of this batch, other then
Groucho's)
A Choral Version
Top 5, the Internet’s finest humor collective, is back, and I’m back with it. You should take out a premium subscription as soon as the site is out of test mode. Even though I could have a free account, I’m going to pay to support this worthy enterprise.
Last week I mentioned my submissions:
*“Hey ChatGPT, teach me the Lambada.” “Step one, go to the top of a tall building and stand on the ledge.”
*Asked to draw a picture of you from next week, the AI draws a tombstone.
*Siri says the quickest way to clean a dirty fork is to stick it in an electrical socket.
The brilliant mastermind behind the site, Chris White, edited one until it was worthy of inclusion on the list: 7. Asked to create a "future me" image to help with your diet, the AI draws a tombstone.
Comedians, at least, appear safe from AI. At my request Daniel Dern tried to get ChatGPT to write Chattanooga Choo-Choo jokes, like this one:
Pardon me, goy, is that the chatty guru’s new pew?
Here are the results
Write some punning jokes based on "Pardon me boys, is that the Chattanooga choo-choo"
"Pardon me, do you have the time? It seems like my watch has choo-choo-ed away!"
"Excuse me, do you have a map? I seem to have gotten derailed on my way to Chattanooga!"
"Pardon me, is this seat taken? I'd hate to be a choo-choo-crasher!"
"Excuse me, do you know the way to Chattanooga? I'm feeling a bit train-wrecked."
"Pardon me, but do you have a ticket to...
Write some punning jokes based on the song title "Pardon me boys, is that the Chattanooga choo-choo"
"Pardon me, but do you know the way to Chattanooga? I don't want to be a train-wreck!"
"Excuse me, do you have the train schedule? I don't want to miss the Chattanooga choo-choo!"
It did a decent job with other assignments:
While he was at ChatGPT at my request, Daniel Dern tried a couple of prompts that produced decent results.
Here's how William Shakespeare might tell a knock-knock joke:
Knock, knock.
Whose there?
Boo.
Boo who?
Indeed, why dost thou make such a sorrowful cry?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in, tis a jest most fair and full of mirth.
Why is a raven like a writing desk?
The famous riddle "Why is a raven like a writing desk?" was posed by the Cheshire Cat in Lewis Carroll's novel "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland.” This riddle is considered to be a paradox and has no answer, as the two objects are completely unrelated and cannot be compared in any meaningful way. The answer "because Poe wrote on both" is often given, but this is a reference to Edgar Allan Poe, who wrote stories about both ravens and desks, and not a solution to the riddle itself.
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Who is buried in Grant's tomb?
Ulysses S. Grant, the 18th President of the United States, and his wife, Julia Dent Grant, are buried in Grant's Tomb in New York City. The tomb, which is located in Riverside Park, is the largest mausoleum in North America and serves as a memorial to one of the most famous and successful military leaders in American history.
The Top5 list is coming back March 1; details on how to subscribe to the Internet’s first and best crowd-sourced humor site when they are available. My submissions for the first list:
*“Hey ChatGPT, teach me the Lambada.” “Step one, go to the top of a tall building and stand on the ledge.”
*Asked to draw a picture of you from next week, the AI draws a tombstone.
*Siri says the quickest way to clean a dirty fork is to stick it in an electrical socket.
Regular readers will recall that I was a frequent contributor to the Top5 List many years ago (Made No. 1 on the Top5, Made The Top 5, Paul on the Top 5 List). As founder Chris White puts it: “We’re exhuming the humor corpse for another run.”
I can’t believe I failed to plug my No. 18 on the recent list Capitol Stormers’ To-Do Lists. Mine was “Fold up a libtard and stick him in one of those fancy electoral vote boxes.”
Alas, I didn’t make the Top5 Rejected SuperBowl Ads list, which was email only... except for here!