MGW Art Linkletter Was Right: “Kids Say The Darnedest Things”

By Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe

Over the years, we’ve read these headlines:
SAT SCORES CONTINUE TO DROP
OBSCURE VOCABULARY IS GONE!
EARN ADULT HIGH SCHOOL DEPLOMA AT HOME!

The late Sam Levenson said that “from the poorest students often come the richest answers: answers that are on the surface unquestionably wrong, but undeniably right in the deepest sense of the world.” A few of his examples:

1. “Whom did Robin Hood steal from and why?”
   A. “From the rich. What could he steal from the poor?”
2. “Where are elephants found?
   A. “How can you lose an elephant?”

Shown below are some hilariously wrong answers given by youngsters to these questions:

1. What’s your favorite hue?
   A. hue Jackman.
2. Where was the American Declaration of Independence signed?
   A. At the bottom.
3. What is the highest frequency noise that a human can register?
   A. Mariah Carey
4. Explain the phrase ‘free press.’
   A. When your mum irons trousers for you.
5. Steve is driving his car on Old Country Road. He is traveling at 60 feet/second and the speed limit is 40 mph. Is Steve speeding?
   A. He could find out by checking his speedometer.
6. Marcus is the strongest kid in second grade in Baylis Elem. School He used to lift 12 pounds. Now he can lift 97 pounds. How much more can he lift now?
   A. Marcus is on steroids.
7. Troubadours travelled from town to town. They didn’t sing too well. Can you explain this?
   A. That’s the reason they kept going!
8. What can we learn from a box of crayons?
   A. Some are sharp, some are pretty, and some are dull. And some have weird names like Fuzzy Wuzzy, Razzmatazz, and Mauvelous.
9. If it takes 8 men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men?
   A. No time, because the wall is already built.
10. What ended in 1896?
    A. 1895
11. To change centimeters to meters you
    A. Take out centi.
12. Tapeworms are hermaphrodites. What is meant by the term ‘hermaphrodite’?
    A. Lady Ga Ga
13. Complete this sentence: “The first cells were probably_______.
    A. lonely.”
14. Marlene can’t see anything when she looks down her dissecting microscope. Suggest one reason why.
    A. She is blind.
15. Give a reason why people would want to live near power lines?
    A. You get your electricity faster.
16. Joey, how do you feel about Common Core math?
    A. I’m so bad at math, the solution to 2n + 2n is 4n to me.
17. Shelly, what’s your favorite Knock, Knock joke?
    A. Knock, knock…
    Who’s there?
    Terrible English Teacher…
    Terrible…Who?
    It’s Whom.
18. The difference between 180 and 158 is 22. Explain how you found your answer.
    A: I asked Alexa!
19. What did Mahatma Gandi and Genghis Khan have in common?
    A. Unusual names.
20. What’s a fibula?
    A. A little lie.
21. Joanna works in an office in Melville. Her computer is a stand-alone system. What is a stand-alone system?
    A. It doesn’t come with a chair.
22. Robert, what do you think of the fact that it cost the U. S. $10 billion dollars to put a man on the moon?”
    A. Does that include meals?
23. Imagine that you lived at the same time as Abraham Lincoln. What would you say to him or ask him?
    A. I’d tell him not to go to a play ever.
24. Who said, “Stop the count!?”
    A. Count Dracula.
25. Your school in Jericho has purchased two 25-inch ride-on floor robotic cleaning machines. What would you name one of them?
    A. Robot Redford

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Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe is a retired business teacher and the author of two books: “Yiddish for Dog & Cat Lovers” and “Are Yentas, Kibitzers, & Tummlers Weapons of Mass Instruction? Yiddish Trivia.”