By Marjorie Gottlieb Wolf
The Dr. Oz Show will air its last episode on Jan, 14, 2022. It will be replaced by The Good Dish, a talk-cooking show. Oz. with his Ivy-League medical degree has tackled the following illnesses: Alzheimer’s, Graves disease, mold poisoning, etc. Now who will talk about the: following real and fanciful diseases?
Absession: compulsive body building
Adam & Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple Computer.
Adolescent benign focal crisis: The inability of teenagers to concentrate
Angioplaster: hardening of the! Arteries (Louis B. Raffel)
"Baby bust" syndrome: Surveys conducted recently revealed that couples were intentionally putting their pregnancy plans on hold. Couples are avoiding child bearing during the covid pandemic. (fyi: this will result in 300.000 fewer births in 2021.)
Bark mitzvah phobia: Dog turns 13: we celebrate! Worried that guests won’t say ‘muzzle tov.”
Baskinrobbinsitus: that sudden pain one gets in the sinuses when one eats ice cream too fast. (Paul Dickson).
Beepilepsy: the momentary seizure of panic suffered when one's cellphone/pager goes off during a b’way performance.
Butulidm: discomfort associated with a Starbucks barista pressing a dirty thumb on the lid’s sipping-hole while affixing it to your cup.
Bun-and-run syndrome: Consumption of loo much fast food.
Castroenteritis: Bedsores (Albert Komishane)
Charminphobia: fear of being squeezed
Cinderella syndrome: Women squeeze into delicate shoes to satisfy an old desire to display a tiny foot-sometimes successfully, sometimes not.
Covid dumkop (yiddish): individual not willing to listen to science and facts, and who would rather use their creativity to promote or come up with ridiculous conspiracy theories about the corona virus. Example: He wouldn’t even wear a mask at the mask factory .What a covid dumkop!
Covid-fatigue; The. loosening of mitigation measures such as masking and social distancing, partly because people had become tired of them and wanted to return to normal life.
Crazy for Swayze: Highly contagious infection that afflicted large portions of the female populace during the summer of 1987.
Currier-and-Ives-it is: The desire to make every holiday event a perfect Kodak moment. Suitable for framing.
Dairy crack: Person is addicted to cheese. With the current cream Cream Cheese shortage, patient is willing to accept $20 from Kraft for not making a cheesecake this holiday season.
Deep-vein thrombosis (aka “economy class syndrome”): Illness when a blood clot forms in the deep veins of the legs after a long period of immobility.
Disorienta: when Aunt Sadie gets lost in a department store and strikes up a conversation with everyone she passes.
Drive-thru throat: Form of laryngitis caused by frequent yelling into Drive-thru microphones at fast-food restaurants.
Emhoff decisiveness: Not knowing whether to call. Doug Emhoff “second gentlemen elect," “second mensch,” “Mr. Mamaleh,” or all of the above
Empirism: an awful affliction brought on by watching too much BBC: usually manifests in a British accent and a sudden craving for tea.
Facechin phenomenon; The tendency to gain chins that even the most Lean-necked are immune from.
Frank Sinatra syndrome: Northwell health plan member who wants to do things His/her way
Interview phobia: The fear that one day you’ll be hired by someone young enough to think that Woodstock is Snoopy’s Bird-pal. (moll ie fermaglich)
Job title phobia: Fear that you will be promoted and given a new job title: “deputy assistant to the president for administrative Affairs and organizational resources"
Karen phobia: fear of being called “a Karen,” a name now used as an insult or shorthand for an obnoxious, entitled racist creature. (fyi: there are more than a million Karens in the country.)
Ken doll envy: Mattel’s Ken doll turned 60...and you’re jealous that he still has blonde hair, wears a red bathing suit, red sandals and a yellow towel.
Lipstick index phobia: Fear that you’re spending too much for lipstick during the pandemic. (fyi: Leonard Lauder coined the term liipstick index" for the: tendency of lipstick sales to spike in hard times as women seek inexpensive indulgences.)
Mageirocophobia: Fear of cooking.
Mallcontents: bored, ticked-off husbands you always see perched on benches in the middle of the mall.
Manilow depression: caused by hearing a romantic Barry Manilow song.
Mama Mia Syndrome: fear that her name is Giacobbi instead of Jacobs: she nakes minestrone instead of chicken soup; and she cooks with olive oil instead of shmaltz. (Ruth & Bob Grossman)
Mano-a-manonucleosis: Infectious Latin disease spread by handshake. (Jeffrey Staff)
Meshucovid (yiddish term) a person who has gone crazy or is acting crazy since the start of the covid-19 virus.
Melloncholia: Severe depression among financiers. (Jill Martinson)
Mrs. Paul Bunions: Food disorder caused by massive ingestion of fish sticks. (Nancy Means)
Narcolepti+c one who dozes while you talk, but for an improper Reason. (R. W. Jackson)
NWBC: fear that your adult child will not adhere to the family rule: “no whoopee before the chupie.”
Oy. Kreplach; fear of triangular noodle dish filed with chopped meat or cheese. And served with soup. (Chaim Yankel)
Password Fatigue: Mental exhaustion & frustration caused by having to Remember a large number of passwords.
Pastaplegic: Person who’s eaten so much spaghetti tie can’t move. (Rich Hall and friends)
Paranoid: Someone who reads behind the lines on a blank page. (Guy Bellerarti)
Peter pan syndrome; People who just don’t want to grow up.
Pirates’dream: (aka “sunken chest”). Child who is disturbed because she Is flat chested.
Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe’s family doctor has posted the following sign in the waiting room: “Thank you for not mentioning Dr. Oz.”