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P.S. A Column On Things

BY PAUL E. SCHINDLER, JR. I am from Portland, Oregon, Beaumont '66, Benson High '70, MIT '74. Some things are impossible to know, but it is impossible to know these things.

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MGW: Girls Just Want To Have Sun: Summer Slogans

By Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe
Syosset, New York

Neil Vigdor wrote in the New York Times (May 30, 2021) that “summer is coming. the slogans are too.” Tiffany’s is now selling male engagement rings. Shall we expect to see this slogan? He said “yes.”

Shown below are some humorous/timely summer slogans:

[Bill De Blasio] “2021 - the summer of New York City”; “come take a bite out of the big apple”

[Atlantic City] “do A.C.” (2019); “always turned on” (since 2003); “Atlantic City - the big apple”

[Miami Beach] “Palm trees and 80 degrees”

[Myrtle Beach] “Where it’s always sunny and only rains money”; “Martha’s Vineyard’s Redneck Cousin” (Terry Massey term)

[Old Orchard Beach] “The lead singer of the magnetic fields, Stephin Merritt, was right: “I know Orchard Beach is where you belong. you can go back….”

[Rockaway Beach, NY] “Need to be seahabilitated? You can shake the sand from your toe but you can’t shake it from your soul.”

[Fort Lauderdale, FL] “visit the Venice of America.”

[Florida] “Warm weather is the reality here. Winter is imaginary.”

[B&B] “clean sheets, hot water, stiff drinks. See what a difference a stay makes.”

[Cruises] “Don’t google your symptoms on WEBMD. Turns out you just need a cruise.”

[Airlines] “Remember flying royal service coast-to-coast, with champagne and hot fudge sundaes? rem-ember chateaubriand sliced in the aisle? reme-mber people dressing up to fly? resto-re civility to the skies. hon-or your crew—wear a tie when you fly.” (Christoper Elliott)

[Organic Food] “This summer try organic food…or as your grandparents called it, ‘food.’” “Good food is good mood.”

[Virginia] “Virginia is for lovers” (motto since 1969). “Visitors: please don’t confuse us with West Virginia.”

[Rockport Beach, TX] “even the fines for littering are big in Texas.”

[Bar Harbour, Maine] “While sunbathing in seal harbor public beach, remember this: it’s bah hah bah— r’s don’t get a lot of love in Maine.”

[Gas Grills; Bbq] “Anyone can put the heat to the meat, but only a few can barbecue.” “t ain’t barbecue, if there ain’t no smoke.”

[Summer Camp] “The tans will fade but the memories will last forever.”

[Summer School] “It ain’t cool, with no school.”

[Motherly Advice] “Wait 30 minutes to swim after eating. you may end up with stomach cramping or a muscle cramp. However, the world won’t end if you ignore your mom’s advice—just this once.”

[Swimwear] “Bikinis are the swimsuits of the moment. It’s not sand resistant but it’s sexy. you can always breathe later.”

[Boating] “Let’s seas the day.”

[Beach Bum—Checklist] “Escape to a beach. Never wait ’til 5. Find your cabana boy. Watch the sunset. Do it again tomorrow.” (t-shirt from island jay—shipped from sunny Florida.)

[Bachelors] “Summer bachelors like summer breezes, are never as cool as they pretend to be.” (Nora Ephron)

[Beach Slang] “Watch out for the men in gray suits.” (Surfer language for “sharks in the water”)

[“Chlorine Shortage Hits Pool-Happy America”] “Chlorine is my cologne.” “H²O doctors to the rescue.”

[Post Office— after announcement that a first-class stamp would cost 58 cents, up from 55 cents] “Still the best deals around. For 58 cents, we’ll carry your letter around all summer long.”

[Lifeguard] “Don’t mess with the whistle.” “No one drowns when we’re around.”

[Lake Champlain, NY] “Life is better at the lake.”

[Sunscreen/Sunburn] “There’s no such thing as a healthy tan.” (Dr. Walayat Hussain)

[Beach Hair] “Beach hair—don’t care.” “Pool hair; don’t care.”

[Water Mill, Long Island, NY] “Keep the water crystal clear or your kids will shed a tear.”

[Beach Therapy] “I wish that my beach therapy was covered by Medicare.” ————————————————————————

Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe spent her childhood in Rockaway Beach, N.Y. She has told her family: “Somewhere there’s an empty beach chair with my name on it.”

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