by Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe
Isaac Bashevis Singer was once asked why he continued to write in Yiddish, a dying language. He replied, “Yes, Yiddish may be a dying language, but the Yiddish tradition from dying to dead, is a long, long way.”
Here are some 2020 tips for writing for Yiddish publications:
- . Write stories about your “mishpocheh” (family). Billy Crystal said, “We all have the same five relatives. They just jump from [photo] album to album.”
- . Never call a “mikveh” a “kosher aquacade.”
- . Mention “Wolfie’s in Miami Beach, Russ and Daughters, Moishe’s Bakery, Guss’ Pickles, Ratner’s, Zabar’s and Economy Candy at Essex at Rivington.
- . Limit your use of the words “alta kocker” (old complaining person), “putzhead,” “pish tepeel” (pee pot), “Dorf’s Yid” (a “hick”), “schlerm” the wrinkled end of a Hebrew National salami), and “reshtetlement” (moving to Florida and finding all your old neighbors live in the same condo as you do).
- . Write about this Weberstein’s new word, “Chutzpapa”— a father who wakes his wife at 4:00 A.M., so SHE can change the baby’s diaper.
- . When discussing the COVID-19 vaccine, use the word “gezundheit!” (good health) whenever a person sneezes.
- . Discuss the “good old days” (di gut alt tag): cupping (“bankes”), egg creams, dumb waiters (“shtum keiner’s”) and “ish kabibble” (don’t worry; no worries).
- . Always quote your mother: “Dahling, if you find a ‘stanik’ (brazziere) that fits, buy ‘tsen’(10).”
- . Don’t pitch products like a “farteh” (apron) imprinted, I’M NOT AGING - I’M MARINATING.
- . Quote from “The Sheik of Avenue B”: A “shondeh” is “the 1992 Mets and Yankees.” And, a “Greene Kusineh” means “Brighton Beach Soviet Jewry.”
- . Discuss the many Yiddish “f” words mama used on a daily basis: “farshtunken,” “furshlugginer,” “feh!” and “farblondzhet.” Omit the word ”fagela.”
- Introduce your readers to the Jewish K-rations: knishes, kreplach, knaidlach, kishkeh, kasha and kugel.
- Share Nancy Gibon Nash’s definition of “plotz”: to sicken after reading too many screenplays.
- . Put “sh/“sch” in front of a word: “forecasts/ schmorecasts”; “outsider/shmoutsider.”
- . Discuss why Molly Goldberg (Gertrude Berg) was a “baleboste”—a good housewife.
- . Discuss “Rent-A-Yenta,” a house cleaning service. Their ads says: “As you wake up from a wonderful dream and feel the sun peeking into your room, you gasp and sit up straight in bed—your mother-in-law is going to be here to visit in two days and you have done bupkis (nothing) to ready your home for her visit. You can just imagine the things she would say if she saw all that shmutz in your home! Time to call Rent-A-Yenta.”
- Mention Jewish Fortune Cookies: “May your pastrami never have mayonnaise on it.” And, ”You will meet a mensch—tall, dark, and calls his mother every day!”
- . “Hob rachmanos” (Have pity) on those who don’t know the difference between “meeskeit” (ugliness) and “zeeskeit” (sweetness).
————————————————————————-
MARJORIE GOTTLIEB WOLFE is the author of two books: Yiddish for Dog & Cat Lovers, and Are Yentas, Kibitzers, & Tummlers Weapons of Mass Instruction? Yiddish Trivia.