by
Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe
Syosset, New York
Gerald C. Waters, Jr. posed questions regarding the
etiquette of asking customers about their vaccination
status. He advises that asking such questions can go
two ways: offending some or offering a comforting option
for those who only want to patronize businesses with
vaccination protocols. No, we should NOT walk up to
someone who you really don’t interact with and say, “Hi,
have you been vaccinated?”
We have to remember that there are some people who
have medical situations that are not visible, and cannot
take the COVID-19 shot.
Shown below are some examples of conversations that
are lacking vaccine etiquette:
“Hi. I ‘schmegoogled’ your name. (Note: According to
Daniel Klein, the word “schmegoogle” is a noun meaning
someone so insignificant that if you Google his name,
nothing comes up.) Did you get your COVID-19 shot?”
“Hi. How’s the family? Did you know that people are
drafting episodes of Seinfeld for the Vaccine Era. Here’s
what an episode looks like:
George spent months telling his parents he’s trying to
book them an appointment online and is furious when
Susan actually does so. Elaine brags about dating an
essential worker but then tells her he’s antivax. Post-Vax
Jerry bombs because he will only perform wearing an
N95. (Source: Jeff Stein) BTW, have you been
vaccinated?”
“Hey, wait. Here’s another episode. George stops and
makes a call at the corner of a building up the block from
a VAX clinic. People assume he is in line and gets behind
him. He hangs up and walks off, and the angry VAX liners
chase him down and beat him up. Kramer hooks Jerry
and Elaine up with this guy who is dealing VAX from a
Halal cart.” (Source: West Side Rag)
“Hello. Would you like to hear the lyrics to the Randy
Rainbow Song Parody (from Mr. Sandman)?”
Mr. Biden
Bring my vaccine
Keep me protected from COVID-19
Tell me the trick to how I might earn a
Fix of that magic Pfizer or Moderna
Biden
Gimme a poke
They call you “sleepy” but you’re pretty woke
I’m so tired of quarantine
Mr. Biden, bring my vaccine…..
“Hello there. Did you get my COVID-friendly greeting
card—the one that says, ‘Wishing you an Unprecedented,
Essential, Socially-Distanced, Extraordinary, Happy,
Healthy Birthday!?” Have you been vaccinated?”
[at Terminal B, La Guardia Airport]
“Hi. Did you know that former VP, Biden, once called this
terminal ‘third world’? I’m headed for the VIP Lounge.
BTW, VIP means ‘Vaccine Immunized People’ according
to a Patrick Chapatti cartoon? You can join me IF YOU’VE
BEEN VACCINATED.”
“HiYa. Did you read about the Pipeline Shut Down? Gas
is now selling for over $3 a gallon? ‘STAYCATION’ or
‘PROJATION’ (project vacation) this summer. Did you get
your COVID-19 shot?”
“Hello there, neighbor. I’m headed for Target to purchase
Pokemon trading cards. Have you been vaccinated?”
“Hey. How are you? Did you hear that Tesla is hiring in
our area and you can make up to $2,578 per paycheck?
I’m curious. Have you had your COVID-19 shot?”
“Hi, Sis. How are the kids? BTW, at your age, you can
now get your vaccine. Did you know that when pop icon,
Mariah Carey, got HER first dose of COVID-19 vaccine,
she examined her arm and said, ‘No blood. OK. Is that
normal? See? I’ve proven my point. I am actually a
vampire.’”
“Hello. Just finished the Sunday crossword puzzle IN
INK. Bill Clinton also does his Sunday Times in ink.
He’s bright—MENSA bright! Yes, I know that WUHAN
was the epicenter of China’s Corona-virus outbreak.
Have you been vaccinated?”
“Hello. Let’s meet at the Washington, D.C. deli, ‘Call Your
Mother.’ We’ll order The Pupu Platter—fish, meat, veggies,
and shmears. $40 for two. You’ve had your shots, right?”
“Hi, Bob. How about joining me at Starbucks. I want to try
their new Frappuccino, Strawberry Funnel Cake. It blends
strawberries puree and a whipped cream swirled with
funnel cake flavors and then it’s topped with powdered
sugar funnel cake pieces. Have you had your two shots?”
“Hello there. Long time no see. Barbie’s Ken is 60. Same
age as me. Love his blond felt hair, red bathing suit, red
sandals, and yellow towel. Hey, CVS is now offering the
COVID-19 shot.”
[English professor to student enrolled in “ENGL 133,
Shakespeare’s Uncertain End”]:
“Jake. What’s the difference between COVID-19 and
Romeo and Juliet?”
Answer: “One’s the coronavirus and the other is a
Verona crisis.” “Excellent! Now get your shots; they’re
available today in the gym.”
“Hi, Sue-Ann. I’m just on the way to the doctor. ‘Zoom
Fatigue.’ Would you believe that women have longer
meetings and shorter breaks between business meeting
than men, intensifying their Zoom fatigue? Had your
COVID shot…or is it a case of “vaccine hesitancy”?
“Hello, Tom. Just completed my taxes. Would you believe
that Warren Buffet started investing at age 11 and filed his
taxes for the first time when he was 13? Gov. Cuomo
said the seven-day average positivity rate statewide is
1.18%. Did you and Millie get your shots?”
“Hi, Jim. Happy Plentieth Birthday. Like Erma Bombeck,
mom once told the man behind the desk at the DMV,
when asked her age, ‘I’m somewhere between estrogen
and death.’ Time to get YOUR COVID shot! Uber and Lyft
will provide FREE transportation to vaccination sites
starting May 24.”
“Honey, I use so much alcohol-based sanitizer, my hands
had to join a 12-step program.” [Cartoon caption by
Randy Glasbergen] Have you made an appt. for your
COVID-19 shot? Don’t be a ‘gantzer knacker’—a big
shot.”
“Hi, Brad. Nice sneakers. Nike Mens Air Max 270? Did
you hear the story about the nurse who was so
inexperienced that she said, ‘I hate giving COVID-19
shots. Would you mind leaning into it?’ Have YOU had
YOUR shots?”
[to TikTok user] “Hi. I just found out that the new term
‘cheugy’ means that someone is uncool, outdated and off
trend. Similar slang terms are ‘basic’ and ‘normie.’ And,
Elyse Willems says that Cheugy Howser is by far “the
most uncool of all kid doctors.” Are YOU vaxxed up and
ready to party?
“Hello, Joe. Do you want to join us and share HE’BREW
(The Chosen Beer). They come in two styles: a light
brown ale called Genesis, and a nut brown ale, Messiah…
the beer you’ve been waiting for. You know their official
slogan: ‘Don’t Pass Out…Pass Over.’” Get your shot and
we’ll say L’chaim!”
——————————————————————————
MARJORIE GOTTLIEB WOLFE is the author of two
books: Yiddish for Dog & Cat Lovers and Are Yentas,
Kibitzers, & Tummlers Weapons of Mass Instruction?
Yiddish Trivia.