For more than seven months, office workers worldwide have been working from home. Yes, the Covid-19 outbreak has changed the way we previously spent "adult time in the workplace. How can we tell that we're ready to return to the office? YOU'VE .
- Alphabetized your spices (basil, chives, curry, ginger, etc.
- Completed your adult education course titled, "Jello For All Seasons" .
- Agreed with Jerry Seinfeld that an office is "a stationery store with Danish." .
- Explained the meaning of the sentence: "I ended up having to put an F.A.Q. doc together." .
- Explains to your children the difference between "outer space" and "open office space.
- Told the kids that Judge Judy is NOT the Chief Justice of the U. S. Supreme Court.
- Stopped using the rabbit ears on the TV to house clothes.
- Named your new vacuum, ROBOT REDFORD.
- Audited a Stanley Kaplan SAT course. Just for fun.
- Thinking of having another baby.
- Texted the CEO at Macy's to complain that Santa won't be visiting their stores this Christmas; .
- Written a letter of complaint to Walmart for holding its Black Friday deals over four weeks, instead of one day.
- Ironing sheets .
- Mastered Bunka (Japanese needlework), calligraphy, macrame and Chinese wok cooking.
- Joined a "Quarantine Dating Game," played via Zoom.
- Investigated "My Burrito Finder," an app that pinpoints the closest place that will satisfy my burrito craving.
- Reassuring your 12th grader that Joe Biden is the first Democratic nominee in 36 years without a degree from an Ivy League university.
- Awarded yourself a YOUTUBE degree: A Bachelor's Level Certificate that people award to themselves after they have deemed themselves to be experts in a particular field of study by watching various instructional and how-to videos on You Tube.
- Described Google as one of the cushiest workplaces in corporate America, with its screening rooms, nap pods and mound of free snacks.
- Memorized all the details of the "Working Families Flexibility Act of 1997" .
- Been greeting your children at the door with the Joan Rivers' opener, "Can we talk?" .
- Been tempted to "sit shiver" for Brooks Brothers, Century 21, Barneys, Lord & Taylor, Modell's, Fairway, Tuesday Morning, and Neiman Marcus.
- Begun to use these terms in your everyday speech: Crazy Mika, Psycho Joe, Wacky Omarosa, "oysgetrakht nayes" (invented news), Sleepy Eyes Chuck Todd, and "build a wall & crime will fall."
- Begun leaving your son the following message: "Hi, Son. I'm leaving for Montauk for the weekend, so I hid $100 in your room for food. Clean your room and you will find it." .
- Been faxing a copy of this elevator sign to all your office workers; THIS ELEVATOR IS OUT OF SERVICE. YOU ARE WELCOME TO: hide in it read in it sing in it do Yoga in it study for the bar in it BUT YOU CANNOT go up and down in it.
Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe is a retired business educator and free-lance writer. She is the author of two books on Yiddish.