Here are my submissions:
The Top 5 Post-Apocalyptic Pickup Lines
* Your radioactive hole in the ground or mine?
* Of course I love you for your brains. I'm hungry.
* Let's Lambada until our legs fall off; the coffee should be warm by then
The brains submission came out at number 4!
THIS JUST IN: PERFORMANCE
On Sunday I sang my love song If Offered A Choice before several hundred people (and my wife and daughters) accompanied by the Danville Community Band. The video cuts out before the stirring ending and the brisk round of applause, but you'll get the idea.
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Cool Art
I am beginning to think that I read all the notifications in LinkedIn so you don’t have to. In any case, super-cool stroboscopic art.
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Bollards Ahoy
You ever wondered if bollards are effective?
[not a stealth edit] Thank you Robert Malchman for pointing out this was CGI.
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Spider Humor
From Semi-Rad: I didn’t come here to f**k spiders.
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Journalism Quote
The late Pete Hamill on celebrity journalism: “If the headlines scream about the living arrangements of the sitcom actress Ellen DeGeneres, what will they do if there is another Hiroshima?”
First some throat clearing. Am I the only one who finds the LinkedIn interface to be difficult? Usually when I start reading an article, if I don’t finish it, it disappears. Sometimes I can find it elsewhere on the Internet, sometimes I can’t.
This link to a book Antisexist: Challenge Sexism, Champion Women's Rights, and Create Equality was accompanied, on LinkedIn, by startling and scary statistics about the depth and breadth of prejudice against women.
It’s important to me for two reasons. First, our family has gone to girls. Secondly, I’m fine with that as long as they are treated as equals to men – which isn’t really fair since they’re superior.
In my youth, I was fond of the saying “I’m surrounded by idiots.” Whenever I said that my mother said, “What does that say about you?”
Well, now I am surrounded by women and what that says about me is that I have excellent taste and judgment.
For reasons best known to him, my friend Daniel Dern got to researching the song Lydia the Tattooed Lady, best known in the Groucho Marx version. Here is a summary of his findings:
Lyrics:
A young Groucho Marx singing it in A Day At The Circus
An older Groucho Marx performing Lydia The Tattooed Lady | The Dick Cavett Show
The 1939 song written by Harold Arlen and Yip Harburg, in The Philadelphia Story
Kermit T Frog
Robin Williams
Bobby Short
Michael Feinstein (possibly the best of this batch, other then
Groucho's)
A Choral Version
March 8 would have been my brother Steve’s 69th Birthday, had he not been taken from us too soon.
Stephen Michael Schindler, RIP March 8, 1954-May 21, 2020
At least the heavenly choir now has some syncopation.
Top 5, the Internet’s finest humor collective, is back, and I’m back with it. You should take out a premium subscription as soon as the site is out of test mode. Even though I could have a free account, I’m going to pay to support this worthy enterprise.
Last week I mentioned my submissions:
*“Hey ChatGPT, teach me the Lambada.” “Step one, go to the top of a tall building and stand on the ledge.”
*Asked to draw a picture of you from next week, the AI draws a tombstone.
*Siri says the quickest way to clean a dirty fork is to stick it in an electrical socket.
The brilliant mastermind behind the site, Chris White, edited one until it was worthy of inclusion on the list: 7. Asked to create a "future me" image to help with your diet, the AI draws a tombstone.