Paul Makes Top 5
I don’t have all Top5s by far, but there’s a good sample here. I list the title and my submission. To see the whole list, click on the title.
Macaren/Lambada
The Top 16 Surprises in the Arnold Oui Magazine Interview
Twice in one week--I'm back in the saddle again!
September 12, 2003
NOTE FROM CHRIS:
An interview that bodybuilder Arnold Schwarzenegger gave to Playboy's Oui magazine back in 1977 has come back to haunt politician Arnold Schwarzenegger. In the interview, Arnold admits to participating in group sex and to smoking pot and hashish.
Here's the link: http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/arnoldoui1.html
However, we know that our subscribers are busy people and won't have time to read the whole thing, so we put together a Cliff Notes version for you....
11> Arnold's bodybuilding secret: Alternate Lambada with Macarena.
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
================================
Selected from 120 submissions from 46 contributors.
Today's Top 5 List authors are:
------------------------------------------------------------------
Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA -- 1 (28th #1/Hall of Famer)
Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA -- 11
The Top 14 Reasons to Keep Elian in the USA
Two in one week! Check out No. 10--one of my Macarena submissions!
May 3, 2000
10> The U.S. Olympic Macarena Team needs an anchor.
9> The NY Yankees still need a Cuban shortstop to collect the whole set.
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Reason to Keep Elian in the USA...
1> Haley Joel Osment's already 12, and he ain't getting any cuter.
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[Copyright 2000 by Chris White ]
==============================
Selected from 130 submissions from 49 contributors.
Today's Top 5 List authors are:
----------------------------------------------------
Jonathan D. Colan, Miami, FL -- 1 (18th #1 / Hall of Famer)
Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA -- 10
The Top 16 Signs It's Time to Clean Out Your Medicine Cabinet
No. 12 is one of my persistent Macarena submissions that finally made the list.
September 28, 2001
12> They no longer manufacture an anti-Macarena drug.
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2001 by Chris White ]
==================
Selected from 127 submissions from 47 contributors.
Today's Top 5 List authors are:
-----------------------------
Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC -- 1, 16 (32nd #1 / Hall of Famer)
Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA -- 12
Other Top 5 Appearances
The Top 14 Last Words of Jerry Falwell (Part II)
Me? I dreamed up No. 14, along with three other people.
May 18, 2007
14> "Well, I'll be damned!"
[ Copyright 2007 by Chris White/TopFive.com ]
=========================
Selected from 132 submissions from 49 contributors.
Today's Top 5 List authors are:
------------------------------------------------------------------
Pam Wylder, Bloomington, IL -- 1, 13 (27th #1)
Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL -- 14
Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA -- 14
Stephen A. Segall, Poplar Bluff, MO -- 14
Josh Sinnett, Bellingham, WA -- 14
The Top 13 Little Known Phobias
I submitted 10 and 11
================================================================
11> "He's coming straight for us--with his left turn signal on!"
-- Oldfartophobia
10> "You have to push 'Start' to turn the damn computer off?!"
-- Windophobia
[ This list copyright 1998 by Chris White ]
[ The Top 5 List top5@gmbweb.com http://www.topfive.com ]
[ To forward or repost, please include this section. ]
[ You like to receive credit for your work, and so do we. ]
Top Ten Signs Your Dot.Com is close to "THE END"...
Feb. 19, 2001
My colleagues Tom LaSusa, Ethan Welkes and Chandra Steele wrote this first class piece of work:
10) To save money, everyone in office required to use one email address
9) Company car traded in for second hand Razor Scooter
8) One of your web developers is spotted on the corner with cardboard sign
reading "Will Code For Food"
7) Desktop PCs replaced by Atari 2600s and Crayola Caddys
6) When cruising Monster.com, you spot your CEO's resume
5) IT starts putting price tags on your computers
4) HR folks enter rooms humming "The Imperial March" from Empire Strikes Back
3) Despondent CEO replaces free Friday Morning Lattes with Cherry Kool-Aid
2) Everyone's afraid to drink the Kool-Aid
And the number one sign your dot.com is close to the end...
1) Your Domain name's on eBay
The Top 15 Political Valentine's Day Cards
No. 8 with no bullet…
Feb. 14, 2001
8> To William Rehnquist, from James Baker:
Thanks for the vote, you ended the strife.
So this Valentine morning, we're releasing your wife.
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2001 by Chris White ]
==========================
Selected from 62 submissions from 34 contributors.
Today's Top 5 List authors are:
----------------------------------------
Spike Jones, Atlanta, GA -- 1 (11th #1)
Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA – 8
The Wrong Magician
March 31, 1999
Just barely made the list at 13.
The Top 13 Signs You've Hired The Wrong Magician
(Part I)
13> Saws a gummy bear in half, then puts it back together.
[ This list copyright 1999 by Chris White ]
[ The Top 5 List top5@gmbweb.com http://www.topfive.com ]
[ Do not forward, publish, broadcast, or use in any manner ]
[ without crediting "The Top 5 List at www.topfive.com" ]
Selected from 136 submissions from 52 contributors.
Today's Top 5 List authors are:
----------------------------------------------------------------
Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA -- 13
The Top 15 Bill Gates Penny-Pinching Tips
First double-play in a long time: 9 and 13.
October 2, 2000
Note from Chris: Forbes magazine reported that Bill Gates' fortune has fallen from $85 billion to $63 billion. TopFive sat down and came up with a few ideas for how Bill could lower his monthly budget...
13> Insist lawyers turn off Justice Department lights when they leave.
9> Only reboot the house twice a day.
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2000 by Chris White ]
==============================
Selected from 140 submissions from 48 contributors.
Today's Top 5 List authors are:
-----------------------------
Marshal Perlman, Minneapolis, MN -- 1, 7 (4th #1)
Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA -- 9, 13
Chris White, Irvine, CA -- List owner/editor
The Top 15 Signs "Star Trek" Characters Are Backing a Politician
I cannot remember the last time I had two entries on one list... and I am too lazy to go and look it up.
September 4, 2002
NOTE FROM CHRIS:
Ohio gubernatorial candidate Tim Hagan is married to actress Kate Mulgrew -- Capt. Kathryn Janeway on "Star Trek: Voyager." She's helping to raise money for hubby's campaign, with the help of other members of the "Star Trek" family, including William Shatner.
11> Campaign rallies always seem to end up in fistfights over the relative merits of Kirk and Picard.
10> Advertising campaign is entirely in Klingon -- and it's working!
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2002 by Chris White ]
====================
Selected from 98 submissions from 39 contributors.
Today's Top 5 List authors are:
------------------------
Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA -- 1 (23rd #1/Hall of Famer)
Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA -- 10, 11
The Top 15 James Bond Movie Titles if Pierce Brosnan Doesn't Retire Soon
Apparently, I am destined to spend the rest of my life in the middle of the list, and only now and then. Well, no. 10 beats not making the list at all! Hall of Fame, here I don't come.
August 20, 2001
10> Dude, Where's My Aston Martin?
and Topfive.com's Number 1 James Bond Movie Title if Pierce Brosnan Doesn't Retire Soon...
1> ColdSphincter
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2001 by Chris White ]
===============
Selected from 174 submissions from 60 contributors.
Today's Top 5 List authors are:
----------------------------
Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA -- 1 (20th #1 / Hall of Famer)
Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA -- 11
The Top 14 Signs Satan is Loose in Manhattan
Note the entry at No. 7; woo-hoo!
December 1, 1999
NOTE FROM CHRIS:
Arnold Schwarzeneggar's new movie, "End of Days", is about Satan coming to Manhattan to find a wife, settle down, and start a family.
The Top 14 Signs Satan is Loose in Manhattan
7> Times Square is looking eerily wholesome these days.
(Oops! That's a sign DISNEY is loose in Manhattan.)
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Sign Satan is Loose in Manhattan...
1> New total: 666 Starbucks locations!
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 1999 by Chris White ]
=================================
Selected from 121 submissions from 45 contributors.
Today's Top 5 List authors are:
-------
John Gephart IV, Harrisburg, PA -- 1 (Woohoo! 1st #1!)
Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY -- 7, 9
Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA -- 7
Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor
The Top 13 Signs You're Addicted to MTV
No. 7 again, in a big four-way tie.
December 3, 1999
NOTE FROM CHRIS:
Today's topic was the idea of the fine young men and women of Ms. Barb Silvey's class at Rogers High School in Spokane, WA!
7> You think The Real World is just that.
1> You refer to your grandmother's funeral as "Nana Unplugged."
P.S. Hey, Ms. Silvey's class -- Who's your daddy?
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 1999 by Chris White ]
==========================
Selected from 103 submissions from 40 contributors.
Today's Top 5 List authors are:
------------------------------------------------------------------
Joe DiPietro, Brooklyn, NY -- 7
John Gephart IV, Harrisburg, PA -- 7
Mark Schmidt, Amsterdam, Holland -- 7
Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA -- 7
Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA -- 7 (Hall of Famer)
Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor
The Top 15 Reasons to Send Elian Back to Cuba
OK, it's a three-way tie for 13th, but at least I'm back on the list again after a too-long absence. And at least one reader thought my entry should have ranked higher (thanks Barry!)
May 2, 2000
13> He can't hit his weight, his curveball is erratic, and he runs the bases like a six year old.
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Reason to Send Elian Back to Cuba...
1> Just on the off chance that Marisleysis' head might explode on live national TV.
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2000 by Chris White ]
===========================
Selected from 130 submissions from 50 contributors. Today's Top 5 List authors are: -----------------------------------------------------
Peg Warner, Exeter, NH -- 1 (9th #1)
Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA -- 13
Matt Siske, Dayton, OH -- 13
Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA -- 13 (Hall of Famer)
The Top 16 Airport Security Pick-Up Lines
Nov. 21, 2001. Number 5.
5> "You know, if we were to make love now, we could have a child before we get to the front of the line!"
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Airport Security Pick-Up Line...
1> "So do you have any condoms that aren't full of heroin?"
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2001 by Chris White ]
==========================
Selected from 124 submissions from 48 contributors.
Today's Top 5 List authors are:
-----------------------------------
Dan Johnson, Champlin, MN -- 1 (7th #1)
Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA -- 5
The Top 15 Signs You're Not Getting a Bonus This Year
Tied for 13th!
December 15, 2003
13> Your CEO delivers his annual holiday message via satellite from the Cayman Islands and ends with "So long, suckers!"
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Sign You're Not Getting a Bonus This Year..
1> Your cash bonus was confiscated when the U.S. Army captured your boss in a farmhouse outside of Tikrit.
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
==========================
Selected from 87 submissions from 34 contributors.
Today's Top 5 List authors are:
-------------------------------------
Andy Krakowski, Alexandria, VA -- 1, 2, 6, Topic (6th #1/Hat Trick)
Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA -- 13
Michael Sheinbaum, King of Prussia, PA -- 13
The Top 15 Wrigley Viagra Gum Slogans
No. 10 seemed so obvious, yet I wasn't even tied for the slot.
June 30, 2003
NOTE FROM CHRIS:
Chewing gum giant Wrigley has patented an anti-impotency gum that contains some of the same active-ingredients as Viagra.
Seriously.
But how will they market it? Glad you asked...
10> Double your pleasure, double your fun, halve your whining about how it's never happened before
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Wrigley Viagra Gum Slogan...
1> It's Wrigidly Delicious!
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
===================
Selected from 119 submissions from 44 contributors.
Today's Top 5 List authors are:
-----------------------------
Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 1 (58th #1/Hall of Famer)
Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA -- 10
The Top 16 Snippets of Bad Film Noir Dialogue (Part I)
Check out No. 7, please.
August 14, 2003
7> "Thanks."
"Don't thank me yet."
"Too late -- I already have."
1> "I checked into the hotel across the street from the dame. My room was musty and dingy, and a Chuck E. Cheese sign blinked intermittently in the window, bathing everything in its cheery orange light. But I smelled a rat."
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
===================
Selected from 118 submissions from 43 contributors.
Today's Top 5 List authors are:
-----------------------------------
Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA -- 1 (19th #1 / Hall of Famer)
Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA -- 7
The Top 15 Board Games for Rappers
No. 12 with no bullet at all.
September 15, 2003
NOTE FROM CHRIS:
Mattel recently held a "Break the Safe" competition to showcase the new board game that focuses on teamwork, communication and cooperation. Serving as emcee of the event was rapper/actor/avid board game fan, Ice-T.
12> Nosecandyland
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Board Game for Rappers...
1> Hell No, I Ain't Sorry, Bee-Yotch
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
===================
Selected from 111 submissions from 40 contributors.
Today's Top 5 List authors are:
------------------------------
Mark Niebuhr, Minneapolis, MN -- 1 (18th #1)
Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA -- 12
The Top 16 Unreleased Disney Movies
Who-hoo! No. 2!
December 1, 2003
2> That Darn Clap
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Unreleased Disney Movie...
1> Darby O'Gill and the Village People
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
====================
Selected from 120 submissions from 35 contributors.
Today's Top 5 List authors are:
------------------------------
Pam Wylder, Bloomington, IL -- 1, 14 (4th #1)
Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA -- 2
The Top 15 Indications That Military Intelligence May Be Suspect
I'm No. 9
March 9, 2004
NOTE FROM CHRIS:
The TopFive.com Web site is still a bit screwy this morning, but I'm working on getting all the problems resolved on our new server home. Thanks for your patience.
9> The latest report from Afghanistan: Osama bin Laden is hiding in the conservatory with a candlestick.
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Indication That Military Intelligence May Be Suspect...
1> The latest U.N. weapons inspectors' discovery confirms military intelligence's worst fear: oxymoronium.
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]
====================
Selected from 82 submissions from 31 contributors.
Today's Top 5 List authors are:
-----------------------------
David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO -- 1 (12th #1)
Greg Preece, Toronto, Canada -- 9
Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA -- 9
The Top 15 Reasons Top5 Has Never Insulted You (Part II)
July 7, 2003
5> Despite your numerous amusing balding middle-aged guy foibles, the balding middle-aged guys who own and write the lists fail to see the humor potential.
and the Number 1 Reason Top5 Has Never Insulted You...
1> "Sorry, I'm away from my e-mail again today. I'm busy banging yet another bikini model on the beach in the back of my Hummer between bank runs! Hugs & Kisses, Carrot Top."
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
============================
Selected from 102 submissions from 39 contributors.
Today's Top 5 List authors are:
Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH -- 1 (8th #1)
Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA -- 5
The Top 16 Cities Named by Potheads
Normally, I print the credits: mine and No. 1. But I was listed for both 7 and 12, as were 14(!) other people, so I decided to omit the credits. Suffice it to say that great minds think alike.
July 8, 2003
12> Toke-Yo, Japan
7> Bong Kong, China
and Topfive.com's Number 1 City Named by a Pothead...
1> Dorito, Ohigho
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
=========================
Selected from 113 submissions from 45 contributors.
The Top 15 Signs Your Online Romance Is Bogus
July 9, 2003
NOTE FROM CHRIS:
Kassem Saleh, a colonel in the U.S. Army, is alleged to have proposed to dozens of women he met through online dating services.
"But Chris," you ask, "How can I tell if my online romance is the real thing?"
8> Small trouble: refers to self in third person. Big trouble: alternates between "he" and "she."
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Sign Your Online Romance Is Bogus...
1> Your 17-year-old hottie slips up and mentions how bad it was in Nam.
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
=====================
Selected from 88 submissions from 33 contributors.
Today's Top 5 List authors are:
--------------------------
Mark Weiss, Austin, TX -- 1, 11 (16th #1)
Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA -- 8
The Top 15 Other Grave Mistakes Martha Stewart Has Made
I believe this is the first time I've been No. 5.
June 16, 2003
NOTE FROM CHRIS:
You might have heard that doily diva Martha Stewart is in a bit of trouble, due to her having taken part in some stock trading that the SEC claims was illegal.
You can learn more on Martha's plight by going here: http://www.savemarthastewart.com
What most people don't realize is that this isn't the first time Martha's been in hot water...
5> Forgot that it's red wine with illegal stock trading, white wine with accounting fraud.
1> Wore a camouflage dress to her high school prom.
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
=============
Selected from 75 submissions from 40 contributors.
Today's Top 5 List authors are:
----------------------------------
Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA -- 1 (25th #1/Hall of Famer)
Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA -- 5
The Top 16 Valentine's Day Romance Tips
I'm No. 9.
February 11, 2005
9> A quick stop at the cemetery on the way home should save time and money and still produce a beautiful bouquet.
1> Your choice of gift tells a woman what you think about her. Roses, for example, say, "No chocolate for you, tubby!"
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2005 by Chris White ]
=======================
Selected from 107 submissions from 37 contributors.
Today's Top 5 List authors are:
--------------------------------
Danny Gallagher, Tyler, TX -- 1, 4 (11th #1)
Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA -- 9
The Top 13 Reasons You Didn't Win the Halloween Costume Contest
(Part II)
4 You can't get the zipper on your Bill Clinton costume to stay down.
1 Something in her eyes tells you there was an inherent flaw in your plan of dressing up as the hostess' dead husband in order to get laid.
Selected from 118 submissions from 43 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
M.J. Finan, Cleveland, OH -- 1 (3rd #1) Email
Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA -- 4
The Top 17 Slogans for Hooters Air
Making the list, as one of 10 people with the same idea at No. 17:
17> Where Flight Attendants Double as Flotation Devices
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Slogan for Hooters Air...
1> This Is One Airline Them Al-Qaeda Freaks Ain't Gonna Be Flying
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2002 by Chris White ]
=======================
Selected from 136 submissions from 50 contributors.
Today's Top 5 List authors are:
----------------------------
Andrew Thomas, Omaha, NE -- 1 (8th #1)
Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA -- 17 (in a 10-way tie--obviously not very original)
The Top 13 Changes at Microsoft as a Result of Antitrust Charges
2> Using honesty, humility and cooperation, allow one small competitor to show a modest profit for three straight quarters. Then when they're lulled, club 'em to death like a baby seal.
and Top5's Number 1 Change at Microsoft as a Result of Antitrust Charges...
1> Tables turned in jail, where Bill Gates has no choice but to have "Big Louie's Inmate Explorer" installed against *his* will.
[ This list copyright 1998 by Chris White ]
[ The Top 5 List top5@gmbweb.com http://www.topfive.com ]
[ To forward or repost, please include this section. ]
[ You like to receive credit for your work, and so do we. ]
Selected from 98 submissions from 35 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors are:
----------------------------------------------------------------
Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC -- 1 (13th #1)
Ann Bartow, Dayton, OH -- 2, 8
Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA -- 2, Topic
The Top 14 Dennis Miller Monday Night Football Quotes (Part II)
July 11, 2000
6 "Concussion? How the hell can they tell? They're *football* players, for chrissakes!"
1 "Ouch! And Marino goes down quicker than his Boonesfarm-infused sister in the back of my '68 Cutlass on our first date after watching 'Love Story' at the drive-in."
Selected from 139 submissions from 48 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA -- 1 (28th #1)
Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA -- 6
The Top 20 Items on Capitol Stormers’ To-Do Lists
January 8, 2021
18 Fold up a libtard and stick him in one of fancy those electoral vote boxes.
1 Have my scrotum tattooed with the American flag, and my testicles removed so it can patriotically flap in the breeze.
CREDITS
Selected from 112 submissions from 40 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
Roy Skogstrom, Pepeekeo, HI — 1 (20th #1)
Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA — 18
The Top 22 Songs About the 2020 Election
November 2, 2020
17 Dedicated to the One I Loathe
1 I Won’t Step Down
CREDITS
Selected from 84 submissions from 29 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
Tom Stoudt, Fort Washington, PA — 1 (64th #1)
Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA — 17
The Top 16 Things Overheard in Voting Lines
November 3, 2020
4 "Wait, this isn’t the line for COVID testing?"
1 "Crap, I forgot my guy’s name! It’s the really old white dude, if that helps."
CREDITS
Selected from 54 submissions from 19 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
Andrea Kelly, Brookeville, MD — 1 (2nd #1)
Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA — 4
The Top 16 Things Overheard in Online School Classes
The list for May 6, 2020
6 "Homework? No, the dog ate my memory stick."
1 "Now students, please click on the PayPal logo in the lower right hand corner of your screen and enter an amount equivalent to the grade you would like to receive."
.
CREDITS
Selected from 92 submissions from 33 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
Dave Henry, Slidell, LA — 1, 10 (41st #1)
Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA — 6
Whit Watson, Winter Park, FL — 6
The Top 17 Rejected Titles for the Movie "Twister"
The list for May 15, 1996
17 "Totally Gone With the Wind"
1 "Roofless in Seattle"
.
CREDITS
Selected from 84 submissions from 26 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
Yoram Puius, Bronx, NY — 1
Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA — 17
Chris White, San Diego, CA — List moderator, Topic
Be sure list securely covers mouth and nose.
NOTE FROM CHRIS:
Everyone having fun adjusting to life
without all the people you normally
count on to handle things for you?
The list for April 7, 2020
The Top 16 Signs You’re Having to Do Every Damn Thing Yourself Now
2 The dust bunnies have taken over the guest room, Tribble-style.
1 Your proctologist says your telemedicine appointment will begin as soon as you insert your phone.
.
CREDITS
Selected from 86 submissions from 29 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA — 1 (73rd #1)
Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA — 2
Chris White, Olympia, WA — 12, List moderator
The Top 17 Worst Inventions of The Professor from “Gilligan’s Island”
The list for June 21, 1996
4 In famous banned episode, made Ginger a “little buddy” of her own, using a petrified banana and parts from that portable radio.
1 Thurston Howell IV
.
CREDITS
Selected from 128 submissions by 43 contributors.
Caroline Gennity, Virginia Beach, VA — 1
Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA — 4
The Top 20 Lines We'd LOVE to Hear in a "Star Wars" Movie
June 3, 2002
Runner Up:
Luke: "My sister! [*SLAP!*] My lover! [*SLAP!*] My sister!
[*SLAP!*] My lover!"
(Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA)
Signs Your Team Won't Make It To The Superbowl
From Sept. 9, 1999:
7> New conditioning coach's warm-up drill: A brisk 15-minute Macarena.
1> Even though the team shelled out $15 Million a season for "the greatest football player who's ever lived", this Pele guy can't catch worth a crap.
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 1999 by Chris White ]
==========================
Selected from 125 submissions from 46 contributors.
Today's Top 5 List authors include:
------------------------------------------------------------------
Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA – 7
The Top 14 Signs Satan is Loose in Manhattan
Note the entry at No. 7; woo-hoo!
December 1, 1999
NOTE FROM CHRIS:
Arnold Schwarzeneggar's new movie, "End of Days", is about Satan coming to Manhattan to find a wife, settle down, and start a family.
The Top 14 Signs Satan is Loose in Manhattan
7> Times Square is looking eerily wholesome these days.
(Oops! That's a sign DISNEY is loose in Manhattan.)
1> New total: 666 Starbucks locations!
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 1999 by Chris White ]
=================================
Selected from 121 submissions from 45 contributors.
Today's Top 5 List authors are:
-------
John Gephart IV, Harrisburg, PA -- 1 (Woohoo! 1st #1!)
Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY -- 7, 9
Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA -- 7
Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor
The Top 13 Signs You're Addicted to MTV
December 3, 1999
NOTE FROM CHRIS:
Today's topic was the idea of the fine young men and women of Ms. Barb Silvey's class at Rogers High School in Spokane, WA!
7> You think The Real World is just that.
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Sign You're Addicted to MTV...
1> You refer to your grandmother's funeral as "Nana Unplugged."
P.S. Hey, Ms. Silvey's class -- Who's your daddy?
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 1999 by Chris White ]
==========================
Selected from 103 submissions from 40 contributors.
Today's Top 5 List authors are:
------------------------------------------------------------------
Joe DiPietro, Brooklyn, NY -- 7
John Gephart IV, Harrisburg, PA -- 7
Mark Schmidt, Amsterdam, Holland -- 7
Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA -- 7
Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA -- 7 (Hall of Famer)
Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor
Beck Hansen, Los Angeles, CA -- Ambience
-> Ambience explanation: http://www.topfive.com/html/ambience.htm
==========================
The Top 13 Upcoming NASA Projects
OK, so it was a four-way tie for 11th. Still, I made the list. By the way, all contributors are subject to editing. I thought my entry, "Find Uranus with both hands in a well-lit room" was funnier than "Planet Ass."
December 10, 1999
11> Find Planet Ass with both hands
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Upcoming NASA Project...
1> Operation Contact Tom Hanks and Ask Him to Make Another Movie Glorifying the Space Program Before the Public Backlash From Recent Failures Gets Out of Hand
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 1999 by Chris White ]
==========================
Selected from 141 submissions from 55 contributors.
Today's Top 5 List authors are:
------------------------------------------------------------------
Curt Cutting, Santa Monica, CA -- 1 (4th #1)
Jeff Downey, Raleigh, NC -- 11 (Hall of Famer)
Greg Sadosuk, Fairfax, VA -- 11
Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA -- 11
Martell Stroup, Boston, MA -- 11
Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor
David Bowie, Brixton, England -- Ambience
The Top 20 Slogans for Legalized Marijuana
I scored a rare double play, landing both spots 15 and 19 on the list. It isn't the ranking, it's the quantity that counts. I guess I'm ready for a job when legal marijuana comes around.
19> Pot: When You Care Enough Not to Care At All
9> Because the waste is a terrible thing to mi... Dude! I totally f***ed that up!
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Slogan for Legalized Marijuana...
1> Skull-Shaped Bong: $12.00
Primo Maui-Grown Bud: $25.00
Watching Teletubbies with Your Buddies: Priceless
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 1999 by Chris White ]
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Selected from 136 submissions from 49 contributors.
Today's Top 5 List authors include:
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Carla Brandon, San Diego, CA -- 1 (6th #1)
Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA -- 15, 19
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[Copyright 1999 by Chris White ]
The Top 14 Atheist Holiday Songs
Tied for fourth…
December 16, 1999
4> Whose Kid is This?
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Atheist Holiday Song...
1> Got Breasts, Ye Merry Gentlemen?
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 1999 by Chris White ]
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Selected from 153 submissions from 57 contributors.
Today's Top 5 List authors are:
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Jeffrey Anbinder, Ithaca, NY -- 1, 3, HM list name (3rd #1)
M.J. Finan, Cleveland, OH -- 4
Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA -- 4
Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor
The Top 15 Disclaimers Found on Toy Boxes (Part II)
A tie for 11th place on Dec. 20:
11> Warning: This toy produces substantially less childish glee in real life than it does in the TV commercial.
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Disclaimer Found on a Toy Box...
1> Warning: Although technically a game, Parcheesi sucks.
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 1999 by Chris White ]
==========================
Selected from 136 submissions from 47 contributors.
Today's Top 5 List authors are:
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Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 1 (33rd #1 / Hall of Famer)
Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA -- 11
Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor
The Top 12 Things on Charlie Brown's To-Do List
Then, an 8-way (!) tie for 7th a few days later:
December 23, 1999
NOTE FROM CHRIS:
Charles Schulz, the creator of "Peanuts,"
is going to retire the comic strip, with
January 3rd's strip being the last one for
Charlie Brown, Snoopy, Lucy and the gang.
7> Two words: new shirt
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Thing on Charlie Brown's To-Do List...
1> Get Prozac, get Rogaine, get Viagra, and get busy with the little red-haired girl.
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 1999 by Chris White ]
==========================
Selected from 150 submissions from 41 contributors.
Today's Top 5 List authors are:
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Jonathan D. Colan, Miami, FL -- 1 (17th #1 / Hall of Famer)
Joe DiPietro, Brooklyn, NY -- 7, 8
Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- 7, Runner Up list name
Ann Bartow, Dayton, OH -- 7
Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL -- 7
Sue Prifogle Otte, Rushville, IN -- 7
Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA -- 7
Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA -- 7
Rob Wolf, Seattle, WA -- 7
Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor
Calvin Broadus, Long Beach, CA -- Ambience
The Top 12 Things Overheard in the Year 2999
OK, they were both ties, but I still got a two-fer, hitting this list at numbers five and seven.
December 29, 1999
7> "Hi, I'm Dick Clark, here to count you down into the newmillennium!"
5> "Okay, I'll go over it one more time: It doesn't really start until January 1, *3001* because..."
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Thing Overheard in the Year 2999...
1> "I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of Microsoft..."
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 1999 by Chris White ]
==========================
Selected from 109 submissions from 40 contributors.
Today's Top 5 List authors are:
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Brian Jones, Atlanta, GA -- 4, 5
Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY -- 4, 12
Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA -- 5, 7
Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor
The Top 16 Bad Merger Ideas
A tie for 11th is better than not making the list at all.
January 20, 2000
The Top 16 Bad Merger Ideas
11> Good 'n' Plenty Johnson Wax
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Bad Merger Idea...
1> Zippo Johnson & Johnson Hertz
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2000 by Chris White ]
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Selected from 111 submissions from 42 contributors.
Today's Top 5 List authors are:
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Rick Welshans, Alexandria, VA -- 1, 8 (Woohoo! 1st #1!)
Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- 11
Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA -- 11
Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor
Bad Suspense Novel Metaphors or Similes
Jan. 27 2000, I came in at No. 5:
5> His .38 barked fire, like John Goodman's butt after a chili cookoff.
1> Unable to contain his rage, he burst like a pimple of emotion, the pus of his fury streaking the mirror of calm in the bathroom of his life.
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2000 by Chris White ]
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Selected from 86 submissions from 29 contributors.
Today's Top 5 List authors are:
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Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 1, 14 (34th #1/Hall of Famer)
Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA -- 5
Dark Moments in Music (Part II)
Jan. 26, 2000
No. 2, with a bullet!
2> Sept. 17, 1955: Young Michael Jagger gets his lips caught in a Coke bottle for several hours.
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Dark Moment in Music History...
1> February 16, 1955: After 15 minutes of sitting in a boat listening to "Go Back Home, You Obnoxious Little Foreign Brats!", humorless Disneyland execs decide to look for another composer for their new attraction.
The Top 11 Things Revealed by Instant Replay Review at The Super Bowl
January 31, 2000
9> Ref to players after coin toss pick: "Is that your final answer?"
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Thing Revealed by Instant Replay Review at the Super Bowl...
1> Hey! That's Janet Reno at linebacker!!!
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2000 by Chris White ]
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Selected from 103 submissions from 38 contributors.
Today's Top 5 List authors are:
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Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY -- 1 (15th #1)
Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA -- 9
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2000 by Chris White ]
==========================
Selected from 92 submissions from 34 contributors.
Today's Top 5 List authors are:
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Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA -- 1, 5 (28th #1 / Hall of Famer)
Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA -- 2
The Top 14 Good Things About Having a Navel
March 7, 2000
I made No. 6 on this list
6> Looks bitchin' with a big-ass gemstone in it.
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Good Thing About Having a Navel...
1> Distracts thieves from your *really* valuable stash of ass-crack lint.
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2000 by Chris White ]
====================
Selected from 154 submissions from 55 contributors.
Today's Top 5 List authors are:
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Kevin Wickart, Normal, IL -- 1 (5th #1)
Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA -- 6
The Top 16 Signs Your Cat is Getting Old
March 9, 2000
I made No. 4 on the list:
4> Occasionally forgets to ignore you.
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Sign Your Cat is Getting Old...
1> While his younger friends are out chasing mice, he claims a moral victory in catching the elusive dust bunny.
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2000 by Chris White ]
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Selected from 166 submissions from 59 contributors.
Today's Top 5 List authors are:
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Scott Sistek, Seattle, WA -- 1 (6th #1)
Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA -- 4
The Top 15 Rejected TV Shows for Kids
March 16, 2000
I made No. 7
7> The Strangers in a Car with Candy Hour
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Rejected TV Show for Kids...
1> Touched by an Anvil -- The CBS Cartoon Hour
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2000 by Chris White ]
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Selected from 188 submissions from 66 contributors.
Today's Top 5 List authors are:
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Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC -- 1, 8 (17th #1 / Hall of Famer)
Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA -- 7